As much as we would all want to believe that our skills of love and relationship should be innate and intuitive, there is still room for guidance and learning. If you want to get the most out of your dating experience I highly recommend you do your homework. Reading the following books will help you become aware of who you are, what your emotional needs are, how you present yourself to others, and become conscious of your thought-process when coming to choose your right mate.
Psychiatrist Amir Levine takes the psychological attachment theory, the theory that originally explained children's behavior and was developed during the 1950s and 60s by psychoanalyst John Bowlby, and applies it to dating. In his book Levine explains how each of the three types of attachment (secure, insecure avoidant, and insecure ambivalent) behaves in a relationship. The book offers tools and guidance to help readers find their attachment type, recognize the attachment type of the person they date, and how to communicate with a partner from a secure attachment point of view.
I would like to thank matchmaker Belinda Leung from Muse&Co for recommending this book.
It all started when a client of Rachel Greenwald, a dating coach, complained that she never makes it to a second date with a guy. Greenwald recommended borrowing the HR “exit interview” practice: calling the guys the woman had dated in the most recent 3 months and asking them why they did not initiate a second date with her. From that point on Greenwald, on behalf of her clients, conducted more than 1000 dating-exit-interviews with men. Based on the information she had collected she created several archetypes of women who screw it up on their first date. I wish there was a similar book about men, but as Greenwald testifies herself – publishers don’t believe men buy self-help books.
Amy Webb used her analytical mind to build a system of questions and points to track down the right men for her while using online dating websites. This is a great book for people who need some guidance on how to focus their online search in a purposeful-time-saving way and find the right person for them with minimum disappointments and heartbreaks.
Matchmaker Amy Laurent offers a step-by-step manual for the first 8 weeks of dating. This book is great for people who are not sure how to navigate in today’s dating culture, people who tend to screw things up early in their relationships and need some guidance, and foreigners who need to get themselves acquainted with the American culture of dating.
With a growing number of strong and independent women - dating is not what is used to be. Psychologist Sonya Rhodes addresses this new reality and guides the modern alpha woman how to find her right match and how to create a new power balance in a relationship where the woman is in charge.
At the age of 42 Journalist (and now psychotherapist) Lori Gottlieb started a journey to find out why she hasn’t met “The Guy” yet. Gottlieb had met, interviewed, and worked with different professionals, who enlightened her about the parts of herself that had been sabotaging her dating life. In Marry Him, Gottlieb shares her personal learning process in a very open and courageous way. By the end of the book she expresses her wish that after reading this book other women won’t repeat her mistakes.
Finally, a book that doesn’t put men in one box and women in another. If you are looking for stereotypes and simplified generalizations you won’t find it here. This book is a great reminder for people who date to treat people as…people. As you can guess from the title -this is a peaceful Buddhist approach to dating.