I was single and in my 20’s when I was chatting online with a guy. After a short time he apologized that he had to leave and asked if I would like to go on a date with him. To help me decide if I’m interested, he summed himself up: Single, 28 years old, 6 foot tall, university graduate, works in IT, lives in Tel Aviv. I liked the description and his location, which was near me, and agreed to the date. A few days later, when I met with him in person, I realized my mistake. Though the information he gave about himself was all true, it told me nothing about the person he was and how wrong of a match we were for each other.
Many of us tend to describe ourselves in terms of labels such as: gender, age, height, religion, nationality, ethnicity, location, education, occupation, family status, even hobbies. Some of the labels we own came after some hard work and dedication, and obviously we feel proud of them. In dating and matchmaking, some labels help us do the initial filtering on matters that are important to us - like religion and location. Yet, when it comes to describing who we really are, such labels do not do us justice. Take 10 people with the same gender, age, height, religion, nationality, ethnicity, education, location, occupation, and family status - they will most likely be very different from each other. They might have different personalities, different areas of interest, different sense of humor, different friends, and different aspirations.
When it comes to dating and matchmaking it is important to take the time to think in terms of personality rather than generic labels. How would you describe your personality? What are your values in life? What gives you joy? What fascinates you? How do you like to spend your leisure time? What are your hopes, dreams, and wishes?
Once you have a better sense of who you really are, it will be easier to identify what you need from a partner, whether you want someone who is like you or someone who can compliment you in some areas of life. Having this awareness will make it a lot easier to recognize the right person when you meet him or her.
If you are sick and tired of being disappointed date after date and the emotional ups and down that come with it, take a step back, strip yourself from all labels, and start answering the question – who am I really?
If you live in the Seattle area and would like to learn more about dating and matchmaking, please join my Making a Match group.
upcoming free event:
Self Definition Beyond Labels
Tuesday, June 6, 7-9PM
Redmond Regional Library: 15990 NE 85th St, Redmond, WA 98052RSVP required