Since I launched Making a Match, I had some interesting trouble-shooting discussions with potential sponsors. I would like to share two issues that were raised, which I believe many people could relate to. Before I proceed, I would like to explain what Making a Match is, for those who are new to my blog. Making a Match is a community-matchmaking platform, where people in the community are encouraged to act as matchmakers for singles that they know. In this platform, sponsors are the ones who write the profile for their single friends and then filter candidates for them too.
Most online dating sites today have individuals write their own profile and let them reach out directly to the people that they would like to date. On those websites, it’s not rare to see people who have been there for several years and are still looking. My theory is that many people have a certain perception of themselves that is very different from the way other people see them, that’s why there is a gap between their online profile and who they really are in life. When you have a sponsor write a profile, most chances are that the profile will be more realistic and provide people useful information to decide if this person is a good match for them or for someone they know or not.
Changing habits is not an easy task; even when it is padded with good intentions. I usually encourage sponsors to discuss what they would like to write in the profile with their candidates. This approach creates some interesting challenges. While some candidates understand that for some reason their search for a mate didn’t yield proper matches, trying something different is not always easy. Here are two questions that I was asked recently by sponsors:
Should I mention personality traits that are not so flattering?
It’s natural that people want to tell only the most flattering aspects about themselves. Unfortunately there is this mistaken perception that there is only one way to be perfect or desired. Thankfully the perception of perfection is something subjective; what might be a treasure for someone might not be very well appreciated by another. If a person is frugal, prudent, a recluse, or introverted it is important to mention that in a profile. Those adjectives might not be “sexy” for all, however there are people who appreciate those qualities, and feel comfortable with someone who is like them. Remember that every pot has a lid and like attracts like; and sometimes opposites attract each other too.
What if I don’t agree with the self-perception of the person I want to sponsor?
Write their profile the way you see it. They can use online dating sites to write their own profile. They probably wish to be the certain person that they have in mind and hope to be able to be this type once they find their love. Unfortunately, unless they make an effort to be this person at present time, they are likely not this same person they envision themselves as; and people will figure it out very quickly.