The feminist revolution made many women resent their femininity. They saw femininity as an obstacle, something that was holding them back and preventing them from going places in life. They wanted to become like men. Today, several decades later, and with no positive and healthy feminine role models, we have a generation of women who are completely detached from the essence of femininity. When it comes to dating and relationships women today don’t really know how to get in touch with their softer, and use it for their benefit. For many years coach Aga Winnicka has been working with strong and successful career women helping them reveal their feminine side and enjoy a more fulfilling personal and romantic life. In this interview I asked Aga to share her insights about the mistakes that women do that sabotage their relationships, as well as to provide some practical advice on how to use femininity to improve their interpersonal experience.
Aga Winnicka is the founder and creator of the Commitment Academy that teaches women how to use femininity and feminine standards to turn dating into committed relationship and marriage. Aga is a fireball of information and has a delightful and dynamic way of sharing it! Her stories and wisdom will help you realize how much of what you’re doing is already inspiring and amazing and how a few simple changes to your current patterns can bring you even more confidence and the best results. To follow Aga and learn more from her join her Facebook group “The Secret” to Relationships.
What is the most common mistake women make while dating?
IMPATIENCE. Despite many factors that can influence our behavior differently, like culture, environment, and religion, from what I have observed over my years of coaching is that there is one universal issue in dating that repeats itself: when it comes to relationships women are impatient; they want to be in a relationship yesterday. Many women, often right on the first date, approach dating from this logic: “Ok, you like me, I like you, let's get married.” They have no patience for working on the relationship, as they believe it is supposed to JUST happen. Due to that approach some women do everything in their power, like texting daily, asking for dates, and offering sex, to have a man commit. Unfortunately for them, this kind of behavior achieves the opposite result: the pressure causes the man to withdraw. It is easy to blame men and label them as “non-committal” or “commitment-phobe,” but the real issue here in dating is not the men, but how women behave - how impatient they are.
What approach do you recommend women adopt to have a more positive dating experience?
Relax! I know it’s a cliché, but relaxing is the best way to have the most positive experience. Keep in mind that the man who asked you out is just as nervous as you are and wants to have his chance with you just as you want to have your chance with him. That’s why it is so important to relax and just focus on having fun in the moment. Don’t let your mind go far ahead and try to profile him if he would be a great husband or the-father-of-your-3-children-with-a-great-career-and-a-nice-house-in-the-suburbs. This kind of thinking is counterproductive and it puts you in the masculine “what-should-I-DO-to-make-it-happen” position. The best way to have a man ask you out again and again is if you lean back and let HIM convince you that he is the right guy for you. Leaning back and relaxing allows you to experience the date, yourself, and your company to the fullest. It creates much better energy and an unforgettable experience for both of you. Remember that a date is not designed to nail down the husband candidate but to learn about yourself & your standards and to practice femininity.
You are called by many of your clients “The Femininity Coach” – how do you teach women to be more feminine?
A lot of women think that they are feminine when in fact they are projecting very masculine energy. They believe they are feminine because they have long hair, wear dresses and high heels, walk with grace and speak with a high-pitched soft voice. But actions speak louder than words. This feminine façade doesn’t hide masculine behavior such as being competitive, argumentative, or pro-active vs. receptive. On the other hand, many women neglect to demonstrate feminine traits such as being grateful and being able to take a compliment or accept help from others. The attitude of many women today is, “I can do it myself.” And indeed, women can open their own door, pay for themselves, plan dates, and follow up. But this kind of behavior is driven by masculine energy.
The first step towards being more feminine is to realize and admit that an energy shift needs to happen. The best way to gage what kind of energy you project is by looking at the kind of men who are approaching you and are sticking around. If those men are more sensitive than you are, nurturing, and receptive than you are they, probably more in touch with their feminine side. The reason they are attracted to you is because you are on the masculine side. Masculine men will almost never stick around a masculine woman, and I’m not talking about physical appearance.
If you want to attract a more masculine man, you need to get in touch with your feminine side. There are 5 steps to get in touch with your femininity:
- Lean back. Physically.
- Roll back your shoulders and turn your palms inside up.
- Take a deep breath and smile.
- Be open to receive.
Women gain more from being feminine. The second a woman becomes masculine she is losing the game. Men have the tendency to be competitive whenever they sense masculine energy, but at the presence of a woman who carries feminine energy they are powerless.